In a former company we instigated a “working together” wall of pictures portraying every employee how they wanted to be portrayed. Some were skiing, partying, traveling or with their family. Others were a simple headshot. Mine was in Bali on top of an elephant with my children.

Creating a Wall of Shame

I now wish that we had also instigated a Wall of Shame where we shared our not so fine moments of failures at work and sometimes our messy lives, which would have made us more human to our colleagues and opened us up for more failures and bigger successes. In essence great achievements are rarely done without failures. And who is it who said “want to increase innovation – lower the cost of failure”!

I definitely would have liked to see that kind of sharing work across cultures and geography

because in some places it would notably have improved co-operation and results. Vulnerability in that organization (not to be confused with weakness) would have ensured more openness and sharing of ideas – and most importantly, a willingness to learn from others. As you can probably read – the willingness was limited at the time.

With research showing that shame cannot survive being spoken – and met with empathy, bringing forward the background for feelings of shame in the workplace (for instance placed in a Hall of Shame) and letting these vulnerable and sometimes devastating feelings being spoken and empathically met, could turn into positive experiences that in turn could encourage people to manage any feelings of shame also in their personal lives.

By putting a spotlight on shame and honoring our shame experiences as a valued part of our lives lived, we value feelings of shame as part of our path to wisdom, experience, achievement, knowledge as well as finding out where we belong/connection.

Beware though. When you start opening up, your shame will fight back.

Isn’t life difficult enough as it is without mentioning a deepfelt shame of inadequacies? What about all the ones with perfect careers and lives that would be looking down at me if they only knew that……..….!

It hurts to talk about it, I feel judged, uncomfortable and a failure. I feel like the odd one out. If I hide it, they will never know……..…!

Isn’t it much better if other people view me as the cherished employee, the great leader, the success, giving the impression that I know what I am doing, that I am on top of it, that I am in control? Even when it actually leads to hiding how I really feel and am?

The question is of course; is feeling/being inauthentic and struggling in order to not being called out, really a life worth living?

For some it is not. Stories of sudden suicides no longer coping with the pressure, stress related illnesses and daily survival to deliver – for some merely hanging on – are getting more and more common.

Celebrating who we – also – are.

By putting a spotlight on the feelings of shame, celebrating also the odd way we are or things we did and do, that wasn’t or isn’t our finest moments, we create a movement of more understanding and acceptance between us – the humankind – in portraying our not so flawless lives. We also open up for taking chances, looking stupid, going the extra mile, learning from others – with the ‘risk’ of achieving more for oneself, for each other and for the companies.

I see it as a great opportunity for us all to be authentic – the best we can be at work, at home and out and about.

The freedom and power to be you, will bring the best out in you. This includes more openness, activity, energy and joy, and energetic and joyful people just achieve more, spread good energy and are better colleagues.

There are two things to be aware of though – according to Brené Brown.

First is only to start sharing shame experiences that are – yes, still shameful for you, but are – experiences that you have worked through and are comfortable with sharing.

And second, yes, I do know that there are predators out there. The ones that do not experience shame and has no capacity for human empathy and connection. I also know that many of them are experienced climbers up the career ladder. These predators might use your openness against you. However, that says more about them and a company that allows that kind of behaviour and less about you. And who would want to work in that kind of environment in the long run anyway. It only makes you sick and sad!

The Hall of Shame is for all of us looking back at and sharing our mistakes, failures and character flaws.

The exact things that – together with our behavior and personality – makes us exactly what we are     –       human     –      and good enough as we are!

Change is needed and it starts from the top

To all of them out there that have already wished me good luck in moving opinions in work environments of regular fear, survival and fitting in. I do know it will take courage and change. It has certainly taken courage on my part to introduce my own shame and inadequacies in my own circles.

It is however adamant to remember that ‘vulnerability is the most accurate measurement of courage’ and also that ‘change is the only constant’.

In my experience change is drastically needed AND it can only come from you leaders in your respective companies. You have the power, strength and authority to make the changes that will not only improve your employees work life, but potentially can also help drastically change their personal lives. Not to mention what it will do for you!

Therefore, to you courageous leaders out there. Go ahead and start the powerful journey of changing mindsets and creating better work environments and lives by initiating the Hall of Shame in your company.

Finally: If you leaders are doing nothing wrong, you are most likely not doing anything valuable at all!